“Doing well is not as good as marrying well”, my mother likes to repeat to her 25 year old daughter whenever she senses my appreciation of the importance of finding a good husband slipping away. The phrase tugs at me ever so slightly each time, with its underlying depreciative view of the female sex. My tactic at retaliation is to stubbornly tell her I have no interest in getting married as I have many other priorities to be getting on with. Her response to this has become quite ritualistic; she tells me to stop being so childish, and suggests that I learn a new skill, such as cooking, since women who cook sumptuous meals always attract men, a phenomenon which sounds suspiciously fantastical.
It may be a testament to how far women have come in the western world that I disagree on this topic almost note for note with my mother. While I lived the first eight years, and she her first 37 years of her life in China, we have both spent the latter 17 years of our lives in the UK. Her view of the matter however remains unchanged. It is simply this: while a good education and a career is a basic necessity, a woman’s primary role in life is to gain fulfillment through a stable family and security. To do so, she must find a good husband to look after her, one of calibre and achievement. It is also her opinion that a woman, upon reaching a certain age, should re-prioritise and place greater emphasis on her pursuit of a husband. After this has been secured, she can ease through life in a steady state of contentment, wanting nothing more, nothing less.
Reflections 